Humans possess great intelligence, but we must allow it to manifest. Every behavior has an underlying reason or purpose that requires more awareness. However, humans are often selfish, which explains why certain purposes go unaddressed. It is easier to blame someone else for damage instead of holding ourselves accountable for healing. This aversion to taking responsibility for our failures or misery can cause us to blame external factors rather than trying to heal ourselves. Instead of focusing on relating to others, we should focus on understanding ourselves better.
The saying that "nice guys finish last" has become a common theme in our society, which brainwashes young men and women into believing that being nice is boring, and the bad boy gets the hot chicks. This advice suggests that good guys act like assholes to keep women interested. What this advice omits is that hot chicks are usually very insecure, which means they are not mentally capable of treating any relationship properly. Chaotic and painful relationships serve as a training exercise to bring awareness to aspects of ourselves that we don't love properly. They reveal our weaknesses, the ego-mind that we need to listen to but not be controlled by, and the damages, insecurities, and broken pieces that still cause pain and tenderness. By being aware of these areas that require more attention and healing, we can choose to heal ourselves first. These bad relationships are our motivational coaches that push us to wake up to who we are inside and motivate us to choose self-healing.
Chasing love is a never-ending cycle of chasing those you can't have, ignoring those you can have, and losing interest when you finally catch them. True love will find you when you are mature, gentle, and attentive enough to handle it. Chasing an idea of love burdens it with the job of filling the energy that you have deprived yourself of. Stop chasing and stop taking it personally when someone is on their own path. Instead, start taking it personally that you have been ignoring your own path.
The best thing about accountability is that you hold all the power to change your circumstance in your own hands. Take back your power, and accept that wanting true love and wanting a love interest are two different things. Ask the universe for what you want to manifest, and trust that universal balance will guide you to exactly where you need to be. In the meantime, be patient and live your life to the fullest while you prepare. Make yourself the strongest, safest, most abundant, fulfilled-whole, happy, and experienced self that you can. That way, you will be able to care for your true love in the way that they deserve.
At the foundation of it all, we must remember that we mirror and reflect each other. If you ignore your self-care, others will ignore your needs. If you obsess over someone and neglect your needs, they will be self-centered and only focused on themselves. If you have negative self-talk or low self-worth, they will not see you as adequate or worthy of being treated with importance. If you do not prioritize your interests and needs, they will show little interest in your activities and goals. If you distrust them or think paranoid/untrusting thoughts about their actions, they will feel no need to earn your trust. If you only focus on your own interests, they will feel unimportant to you. But if you respect them no matter what the situation, accept them unconditionally without blame, guilt, or shame, and genuinely desire the best for them, they will become the best for you.
Stop chasing earthly desires and trust in divine timing and your own worthiness and lovability. True love will find you if it is meant to be. Trying to rush the process will only build resistance and cause more damage.